Let's Mess with the System

By Mary James

I totally get it.  I used to arrive at work really angry every morning and thought I was having a mini stroke every time someone cut me off.  I blamed them for making me late, had all sorts of ugly conversations in my head about how awful a person they must be, etc. and then one day I realized I was being manipulated to feel this way. 

​I think we are all a little too concerned with fairness.  Or at least we want to make sure no one gets more than his fair share- yet we feel victorious when we do. All the while we tell our children- “Life’s not fair, get used to it.”

It’s like a grudge we hold with society.  Every time things aren’t fair for us fuels those road rage and other bad decisions. 

I got too angry every time I lost at this game, and I lost a lot.  So I decided I would be the person to grant mercy to another, and make them the winner- just to show the game that it wasn’t in control- I was. And a funny thing happened:  I started feeling happy for others.  I stopped worrying so much about my wins and found another way to win. 

So heck with fairness for everyone!  I support mercy for all, and I celebrate others’ wins as mine.  I try to mess with the system at least once or twice a day.

Can you imagine if everyone did this?  Now I’m happier, and I still get to my destination just as fast as I always did.

I’m hoping to re-engineer this game with people who are tired of feeling angry too.  Let’s mess with the system, and see if we don’t become happier while we make others happy at the same time.

Mary Allison James is a small town girl from Southern Arizona, but has resided in the Provo Area since 2001.  She is married and has 5 grown children, and two grandchildren.  An educator for 28 years, she is an assistant principal at Provo High School, but still finds time to help operate her family businesses of a small farm and cattle company, and an equestrian facility.  Additionally, Mary loves to write, paint, and garden, but has diverted her energies to finishing her Doctorate of Educational Leadership at the University of Arizona.  Mary's professional passion is in helping underprivileged children achieve, and hopes to someday publish her research on the topic.

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